Nana's Birthday. . . still catching up

Catching up on April: Nana Turns 5!

It took me forever to find the energy to throw her a party, but it turned out really nice. We had a Tangled theme. Rapunzel reminds me a lot of Nana: never cutting her long blonde hair--but when she did, it turned brown; climbing everywhere; I used to braid her hair a lot, or it would get into things; she sings really well, and a lot; she also has an evil fake mother and magical healing powers (okay, maybe not those last two, but I AM in love with how awesomely wicked the mother is--such a great character).

I used a bunch of +ups and bought her an awesome tower tent thingy for pretty cheap at Rite Aid. I thought it was perfect. The girls all pretended to be princesses. It looked like they had a lot of fun. Although, one of the girls ate all of Nan's easter candy when no one was looking. That made Nana kind of sad. Poor girl. I was fine with getting the candy out of the house, though!

Things I Want

Okay. It's time for me to be shallow again. I've had a really hard, uh, while. Who knows how long it's been now. So, I'm going to make some goals and some wishes (that have nothing to do with what I REALLY need for a "successful" home life), and see if that cheers me up.

Graduate. With SOMETHING. (realistic estimate: 2 to 4 years)

Have a clean and organized house with no remodeling projects. (realistic estimate: 6 to 12 months--oh, yeah, but then we move)

Learn to sew--a lot better than now. (ongoing)

Get an awesome TV, and a Wii to go with it. (realistic estimate: ask me when Robert gets a paycheck)

See the world before I'm 80. I've always wanted to see the ruins in Belize. (realistic estimate: hopefully before I'm 80, and probably after we get the Wii)

-Goes along with learn a foreign language and use it in a foreign country (Canada or Mexico would not count)

Read more of the classics. (ongoing)

Learn photography better. Maybe break down and buy photoshop instead of using gimp. (ongoing)

Get a real gemstone and look at it under the lights in the big room in the religion building at BYU. (long story--longer realistic estimate)

Get to my goal weight. (realistic estimate: 1 to 60 years--80 is going to be awesome)

Do something new--something cool no one else I know personally has done yet. (hmmmm. . . don't know how to estimate that one)

Take pictures at Time's Square. (1 to 60 years)

Laser procedures (hair removal, lasik, scar removal maybe?) (Again, ask me when Robert has a paycheck)

Be in a choir. And I don't mean ward choir. (This one seems kind of hopeless since my singing gets worse every year, but it would be SO cool)

I guess I'd be okay without most of these. Just not super okay.

Things I absolutely DO need?

Finally be okay with past hurts. REALLY believe in God. A good relationship with my kids and spouse--especially spouse. Aaaand, maybe it sounds shallow, but a paycheck would be nice.

Oops

Somehow this photo was deleted from the last post. My sister Jenny and her husband showed up for the baptism, too. It was a nice surprize, and so fun to see them!

Catching up. Again. Uhhhhh. . .

This is all roughly from March.

Levi is so adorable. As you can see . . . This is what Enoch's hair looks like in the morning--on good days. I've had a few baby showers, and a few diaper cakes. This was the first time I tried a guitar. It was pretty flimsy. I'll have to work on that.
We went on vacation spur of the moment to go see my brothers and their families down in North Carolina. The kids loved the dogs. They talk about them all the time. Even though Enoch usually looked like he was getting trampled by a bouncy ball of fur.

Nana fell in the pool. I wasn't happy. Daddy thought it was funny--guess who was watching the kids when it happened. Rachel took really good care of us. I want some more of that bread!
We went to the park. Levi had to bundle up, but the weather was infinitely better than Erie! The kids all milked a goat at my brothers' friend's place. It was neat. It was the first time the family met Levi. And it might have been the first time Brandon and Rachel met Lolly, but I'm not sure.
Katelyn had her baptism while we were there--part of the reason we decided to go. The night before we left we walked around town. It reminded me a little of Park City--without the hills. When we got back to Ryan and Carolina's place, we played Just Dance 2 on the Wii--now I want one. It was SO much fun. We went to church with them just before we left--There meetinghouse is right next to the temple. The live so close!

On the way home we stopped for a rest stop. The bathrooms were closed, but we saw this really cool bridge. We would have walked closer, but I REALLY needed a bathroom!

We always have to hold our breaths and make wishes when we go through the tunnels in Pittsburgh. We must be at the end of one here, because Robert looks like he's about to pass out!

St. Patrick's Day. I know I still look pregnant, but Robert and I started a "March Madness" weightloss thingy, and so far, I've dropped almost 15 lbs! (Oh, and I totally beat him, so he had to arrange a babysitter and plan a date.)

Growin' Up Gangsta

He's not just my snuggly little newborn, any longer.

Random Things I've Smelled Lately

My laundry detergent smells like my dog shampoo--which simultaneously grosses me out and makes me miss my dogs.

I'm debating calling the number on the back to see if they'll give me a refund (I've only used it for one load), but I just called the company yesterday to replace a swiffer sweeper that broke before I could use it. I don't want them putting me on some sort of black list ;D.

I threw away some dirty dishrags that could NOT get clean. I don't think I need to explain the smell. But first, I used them to clean up the drain in front of the washing machine. THAT smell is a little more unique. Something is stuck down there, so every time I do the wash, it backs up and this black, chunky gunk comes up with it. It smells like something inbetween perm chemicals and a poopy diaper. I check my kid's almost every time the smell hits.

Went to the dentist yesterday to fill cavities. If there ever was a time to have a stuffy nose . . . Well, the smell of disintegrated tooth more or less made me choke, but I couldn't cough because I'd be coughing directly in their faces. Ah, good times.

We've never been much of a perfumy family, but after so many trips to Rite-Aid, I have quite a few room fresheners. I started using one in the kitchen after the kids cooked all of the grease and meat out of a few hot dogs in the microwave. Unfortunately, Robert now associates the smell of the freshener with the smell of the obliterated hot dogs. I think it smells a little like men's cologne--which is kind of weird for a kitchen scent, but I like it well enough. I plug it into the wall when Robert's not home to help cover the smell of the laundry and yesterday's cooking.

Robert's been gone on a different rotation--a MUCH busier rotation. So, I have to actually cook dinner every night (Robert's awesome and cooks and cleans and all that--with a few limitations). I've discovered that I like cooking mostly for the smell--if my food tasted as good as it smells . . . oh, heaven. However, the smell of beans cooking in the slow cooker never was my favorite, but paired with men's cologne air freshener. Well, it pretty much turns my kitchen into a frat house--especially if I'm washing a dog down in the basement at the same time.

We actually took a family picture!

Even though it's not at the quality I would prefer, it was a Mother's Day miracle that they were all looking at the self-timed camera without me having to photoshop their eyes open ;D!

Lolly won't stay in her crib anymore

I remember when Nana learned how to get out of her crib. She was much younger than Lolly. I was hoping that maybe Lolly would never learn, and we could get her to take naps forever. Then we did something not so well thought out. We transitioned her crib into a toddler bed. She couldn't sleep all night, and she figured out how to open the door to her room. We put her crib back together the next day, but it was too late. Now that she knows how to open the door, she had the motivation she needed to learn how to get out of her crib on her own. I'm not ready for this.

Then again, it can be kind of cute. Here's an example.

Reminiscing

So glad we took a picture of this. It's our whiteboard in Wymount. We'd pretty much write things down that we wanted to remember (like a neat quote or a phone number--I'm pretty sure those numbers are obsolete now, though, so don't try them), or needed to work on (some of those pictures are a neumonic of a scripture in D&C), or wanted to show the other (so the funny pictures, and sometimes love notes). Took me awhile to remember what "shower ride" meant. I needed a ride to a baby shower.

Hardest time

Mother's Day is a horrible day, sometimes, you know--not just for the childless.

Tonight I'm really having a hard time because I have given up so much to be a mother. I never really deserved the things I gave up, but I'm sorry for them nonetheless. And the kicker? I'm not even very good at it--being a mother, I mean. You'd think the more you gave up, the better you'd be. . . oh well.

I also have this horrible feeling of resentment. I want some sort of special recognition for all of the work that I do day in and day out, for how difficult it is to accomplish my personal goals--if possible at all. It seems perfectly reasonable to have a holiday to celebrate mothers, doesn't it? Isn't it supposed to be the hardest job in the world? Even secretaries have a day to celebrate them. I don't want this holiday to be about the sorrows of not being able to have children, as it often is. In fact, I'm dreading it.

I found out tonight that in all likelihood, I will not be able to graduate with a normal degree. All of my life I'm going to have to explain what a BGS is, unless I just lie and say I majored in English. It shouldn't be a big deal, but it really is to me. Seriously, I've been in tears over this almost since I found out. Before I had children, I was on my way to graduating with honors, and taking a study abroad to an exotic location. Instead, I have to watch others do these things, over and over again (even that wouldn't be so bad, except that sometimes it also comes at my expense), while I'm at home--failing--on so many different levels--and the failures just keep multiplying. The only success I feel I can really lay claim to is the fact that I can have children. I can have children really well.

And on Mother's Day, I won't be special. I won't be recognized any better than the next woman, even the next young woman, because we all have the same divine potential, whether or not we have made the same sacrifices. I'm not saying that I don't want others to be recognized. Maybe I'm not sure what I'm saying. I just want the people that aren't able to fulfill their life-long dreams to know that they aren't the only ones with unfinished dreams. . . and I wanted to say how I felt. Maybe I should become a secretary.